He never got to see Castiel in all his angel glory and some days he still envied Pam for catching a glimpse, as wrong as that sounded. He envied other angels too and often thought that was one of the reasons as to why he hated them so much though he’d never admit it out loud. Ever. Sam would have a field day with that. Still…
He wished he could have seen it, seen Castiel in his true element, not contained, restrained in human flesh (no matter how appealing that human flesh was- again another thing he’d never admit to aloud). He imagined it sometimes, when he would stare at Castiel in the quiet moments after the almost apocalypse. He would look at the former angel and imagine just how beautiful he must have been, how bright, how powerful, how free he must have looked. Dean was sure that it would have been worth it, to lose his sight for one second of looking at Castiel, of really seeing him, of what he truly was.
Still, it wasn’t something that occupied his mind much. After all, he got to see Castiel everyday, got to watch him grow and adapt much as a parent would watch a child. And while their relationship was nothing like that of parent and child, Dean still was wondered and amazed by Castiel, still caught surprised by the tiniest things that he did, the sort of stuff that no one else would notice but still made Dean gasp.
He figured he came pretty close though to experiencing what Pam and countless angels had seen. And if anything, Dean got to see a side of Castiel that no one else in the world ever got to see or had seen. Something new that was only Dean’s to see in everyway. And in some ways, if Dean thought about it in a totally sappy chick flick kind of way, he was blinded by Castiel everyday.
He wished he could have seen it, seen Castiel in his true element, not contained, restrained in human flesh (no matter how appealing that human flesh was- again another thing he’d never admit to aloud). He imagined it sometimes, when he would stare at Castiel in the quiet moments after the almost apocalypse. He would look at the former angel and imagine just how beautiful he must have been, how bright, how powerful, how free he must have looked. Dean was sure that it would have been worth it, to lose his sight for one second of looking at Castiel, of really seeing him, of what he truly was.
Still, it wasn’t something that occupied his mind much. After all, he got to see Castiel everyday, got to watch him grow and adapt much as a parent would watch a child. And while their relationship was nothing like that of parent and child, Dean still was wondered and amazed by Castiel, still caught surprised by the tiniest things that he did, the sort of stuff that no one else would notice but still made Dean gasp.
He figured he came pretty close though to experiencing what Pam and countless angels had seen. And if anything, Dean got to see a side of Castiel that no one else in the world ever got to see or had seen. Something new that was only Dean’s to see in everyway. And in some ways, if Dean thought about it in a totally sappy chick flick kind of way, he was blinded by Castiel everyday.